A few days ago Lindsay Lohan was offered a $1 million dollar endorsement deal by the Fleshlight sex-toy company. All she has to do is allow them to make a mold out of her vagina, which they will then fill with silicone, encase in an industrial plastic tube, and peddle to hardcore Herbie Fully Loaded fans. I can’t imagine that there would be a huge market for this, considering that her genitals wouldn’t win any beauty contests, but it did lead me to wonder which celebrities would be better suited to promoting sex toys.
Although Lindsay hasn’t publicly said whether she’ll help market a silicone likeness of her genitals, two other D-list celebrities have sex toy lines in the works: Phil Varone, star of Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew and a former drummer of the band Skid Row and The Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kandi Burruss. The thought of owning a silicone replica of Varone’s penis or a clitoral stimulator inspired by Burruss doesn’t thrill me, but there are a number of celebrities whose genitals I would race out of the house to purchase. Of course I would love to see a Larry David dildo, but unfortunately that would have limited appeal. I know this because I belong to the Facebook group “Larry David– the Sexiest Man Alive,” and it only has five members.
No A-list celebrities have sex-toy lines, but they have no problem promoting products like lingerie (watch Bob Dylan’s bizarre Victoria’s Secret ad here) and acne medication (Jessica Simpson, Katy Perry, and Justin Bieber have all endorsed Proactiv). I think that if they’re willing to publicly declare their acne problems, they should also feel comfortable discussing their love of waterproof vibrators. I want to see Salma Hayek endorsing a line of nipple clamps, Leonardo DiCaprio hawking prostate stimulators, and Ryan Gosling peddling his lifelike dildos in the Special Features section on The Ides of March DVD. The only way to banish the sex-toy stigma in America is to have people like Justin Timberlake endorsing them. Which A-listers would you like to see promoting sex toys?