Filed Under The Most Disturbing Piece of BDSM Furniture Ever Created: The Human Birdcage

The Sex and Metal Birdcage from JT's Stockroom

You know those times when you’re having sex and you think to yourself, “This would be so much more fun if I were copulating in a human-size, steel birdcage filled with metal spikes?”  Well, if you have $2,700 lying around and a desire to support the U.S. economy, you should go directly to Sex and Metal’s website to purchase this American-made burgundy birdcage.

I imagine most bird role-play scenarios as playing out like this: A captive sexual partner is locked into the cage in full-on Cee Lo Green avian regalia, clucking away for help as their whip-wielding captors make them ride on tiny unicycles like Frosty the 75-year-old  parrot who performs at Sarasota’s Jungle Gardens.  And if the captive were a male, they’d be forced to ride the unicycle while wearing this fluttering bird cock ring.

I’m assuming that most people who purchase this birdcage have something kinkier in mind, but I can’t pin down what that is. Do they role-play wing clipping? Is there some sort of head-bobbing parrot fellatio fantasy that I’m not privy to?

Clearly I’m not the target market for this enormous birdcage, but who is? I assume that it’s people who enjoy “pet play,” which is a type of BDSM activity that “involves one or more people acting as an animal with typically the submissive being the animal and the Dominant being the “Owner” and/or “Trainer,” according to Submissive Guide. Usually people act out this fantasy with “ponies, puppies and pigs.” That makes bird play fetishists a double minority: they’re the outliers of the pet play community, a community that is a small subset of the BDSM community.  So anytime you start to feel like you’ve been dealt a shitty hand in life, just think how difficult your life would be if you were a  bird play fetishist.

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