Within the next forty years, we’ll all be in polygamous relationships with sex robots. But until then we’ll have to settle for sexual partnerships with other humans, who usually expect monogamy, unconditional love, and a host of other unrealistic things. Like Dan Savage, I believe that non-monogamy can work, provided the partners are open and honest about it, and there aren’t hundreds of affairs throughout the relationship. But monogamish relationships aren’t socially acceptable, so about half of people end up cheating in their “monogamous” relationships, exposing their partners to STDs, and becoming emotionally attached to their lovers.
But what if you could still get sexual variety, yet avoid all these thorny problems? Enter RealTouch’s new product: the RealTouch Interactive Experience, an experience that involves penis-shaped joysticks, masturbation sleeves, and female models. First, let me describe the RealTouch penis sleeve. It isn’t just any penis sleeve. It’s the most technologically advanced male masturbation device in the world. It’s a motor-driven sleeve that heats up, dispenses lubricant, and syncs with adult videos. So if you’re watching a movie of Sasha Grey fellating a lucky gentlemen, the RealTouch’s four DC motors will squeeze and stroke your penis, giving you the best robotic blow job in the world. But the Interactive Experience takes this one step further. It allows the RealTouch to be operated via the internet by hot models using joysticks equipped with the same type of “captive sensing technology” found in iPad screens. Envision a nubile Eastern European teenager lightly stroking a phallic joystick, as your penis is firmly ensconced in a moist 98.6 degree cocoon that’s whirring with mechanical enthusiasm and you’ll get the idea.
This type of technology isn’t brand new. In fact, it’s been around so long that it’s got its own name: teledildonics. However, RealTouch was the first company to bring this technology to the consumer market and provide the option of paying a model to remotely bring you to orgasm. It seems like a win-win. You get your sexual variety without the thorny complications. If they had a version of the RealTouch for females, I would be the first in line, provided the “hot” models operating it were balding Jewish men who wore yarmulkes and sang Yiddish songs.
I know that not all men and women would be willing to allow their partners to have the RealTouch Interactive Experience, but I don’t know why, which leads me to this question: Is it cheating if the person lives 1,000 miles away and is manipulating your penis via a joystick?
Of course I would answer no, but I’m not the typical woman. So I’m asking you.