Every Fetish Deserves Its Own Sex Toy

The My First Pregnant “Knocked Up” Masturbator.

Being a pregnancy fetishist must not be easy. Although the media frequently promotes the image of the sexy pregnant woman, it directs this message to other women to imply that they too can be sexy while with child. There is a vast gulf between a beaming Snooki on the cover of this week’s Us Weekly and a porn video of Snooki’s fiance Jionni having sex with her while she’s with child. Most people are extremely creeped out by the latter. For some reason, it’s socially acceptable for a pregnant woman to be portrayed as sexy, but not as an object of male sexual desire. I sympathize with those cyesolagniasts (the scientific term for pregnancy fetishists) out there, because they have to hide their fetish and risk rejection by their girlfriends if it’s revealed. So when I stumbled upon the newly released My 1st Pregnant Knocked Up Pussy, I was pleased to see that a sex toy company was taking this fetish seriously. Until now, the only sex toy for cyesolagniasts was the Pregnant Fantasies Love Doll,a $20, inflatable PVC doll whose package features a circa 1973 image of a thong-clad Laura Dern-type woman holding a rose to her belly with long strings of pearls wrapped around her neck. The only Amazon review of it (from guilty pleasure) is a work of beauty:

This is a cheap doll (and you get a decent pregnant DVD in the deal) if you don’t expect too much you won’t be disappointed. The shape is correct, not a fatty doll, the head is ghastly (I put a pair of panties over it) and a small leak sprung the second time it was blown up (patch repaired it). That said, it is the ONLY pregnant sex doll I know of and for the price, I would buy it again.

The Venus of Willendorf: An ancient prototype for the pregnancy masturbation sleeve.

Guilty pleasure’s review demonstrates that maiesiophiliasts (yes, this fetish is so common that two terms for it exist ) are so desperate for sex toys that they’ll repeatedly purchase defective blow-up dolls to satisfy their fetish. But I doubt the My 1st Pregnant Knocked Up Pussy will satisfy them, unless their particular fetish involves fucking a headless Venus of Willendorf. The My 1st Pregnant Knocked Up Pussy masturbator sleeve is only six inches long and it features a torso of a spread-legged miniature pregnant woman with a tiny vagina and tiny anus that the user is supposed to stick his dick into. On the plus side, the sleeve vibrates and Nasstoys brags that the masturbator is RoHS (The Restriction of Hazardous Substances Directive) complaint, a standard developed in the European Union to certify that a device is free of six harmful substances.

In an overly ambitious press release, the Nasstoys company is optimistic that their masturbator could not only satisfy cyesolagniasts’ demands, but also manufacture this fetish in the rest of the male population:

We can also create a new fantasy for men to explore, who hadn’t previously thought about it. Fertility reminds men of virility and when men feel virile they get better erections. This is an erotic fantasy that goes deep into our mammal psyches. We’re already hearing a big buzz about these and expect them to be big sellers for retailers.

Unfortunately for Nasstoys, a male masturbation sleeve in the shape of a homunculus torso is unlikely to captivate the male sexual imagination, let alone create previously unknown desires.

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