Is This What Men Want?

The Newest in Masturbation Technology

When you’re the type of company that churns out male masturbation devices that look like decapitated heads, it’s kind of difficult to top yourself. So, what is Pipedream Products to do?  Create the Mega Fuck Slut Mega Masturbator; that’s what. Weighing twenty-five pounds and constructed with thermo-plastic rubber, The Mega Fuck Slut is a limbless torso with both anal and vaginal orifices, which appears to be more at home in a Saw movie than on your kitchen counter (or wherever one keeps such things). According to Pipedream Products, this sex toy came about through customer demand. Customers wanted both a “front and a back side of a torso” to copulate with.  I’m not sure if they requested that it lack appendages, but I’m assuming that they did because a plethora of fully limbed blow-up dolls already exist. Why would a man want to copulate with a limbless large-breasted plastic woman? If I knew the answer to that, I’d have won a MacArthur Genius Grant by now. It seems like this sex toy would only appeal to heterosexual male serial killers, but I doubt that there are enough around to make this masturbator a profitable enterprise. If these were cheaper, I’d suggest sending one to Rush Limbaugh so that he could learn the true meaning of slut,  but at $1,567.50it’s not worth it.

Even though the Mega Fuck Slut may be abhorrent to 99% of the population, its promotional video can teach us important lessons about what not to do when marketing a giant sex toy. Here are the three biggest marketing mistakes in the Mega Fuck Slut Mega Masturbator video:

1. Inexplicable Censorship of Packaging On the packaging  of the box, the real breasts of  the human model are censored with a fluorescent green bar, yet the plastic breasts, vagina, and anus of the artificial woman are considered acceptable enough to be fully displayed, as is the obscene name of the product.

2. Failure to Demonstrate a Product’s Attributes The demonstrator gets out a measuring tape to measure the mega masturbator’s length and width but doesn’t show anybody the actual measurements.

3. Making Dubious Assumptions About the Target Market He presumes that every man has an “enema hose” in his shower.

When will companies learn that a 27-inch long fuckable headless torso with anal and vaginal openings doesn’t just sell itself?

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5 thoughts on “Is This What Men Want?

  1. thesecond says:

    It’s probably more for convenience. A small segment of a body is easier to lug around than an entire one, and easier to use. More realistic sex toys will continue to dominate the market, but for some convenience is core. What can you do when you’re in the shower and you don’t want to walk all the way to the living room? What can a sex toy company make in a saturated market?

  2. dildographer says:

    Good point. It seems that there is a limit to the realism, however, because then you get the uncanny valley effect

    I do wonder what there is left for sex toy companies to make, but I think there are still a lot of options. A robotic ejaculating penis comes to the top of my mind, but maybe that already exists.

  3. ArdTianasPet says:

    And we must never forget …no matter WHAT the subject someone somewhere has a fetish for it 🙂

  4. dildographer says:

    So true. In a world where dendrophilia exists, anything is possible.

  5. Emem says:

    Most sextoys are not complete full bodies, Dick dildos are totally limbless, This torso is just another sextoy that approaches more than other to a real woman, Honestly inflatable dolls look totally fake, they are not attractive, this Torso looks much better than love dolls.
    how ever the cost its crazy.
    The best of all are real dolls, but again I would not pay those amounts of money, Its better to go with a real woman, even though she has not a perfect body.

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