Why Women Should Give Porn a Chance

Pornography Protest

A pornography protest organized by the North Carolina-based Praise Assembly Worship Center.

I’m tired of women becoming insecure after they stumble upon their boyfriends jacking off to Japanese teen bukkake porn. What men masturbate to is not a reflection on their girlfriends’ looks or sexual abilities in bed.

So why does porn upset women so much? (Full Disclosure: I know that not all women feel this way. I’m a woman who watches porn, and I have a lot of female friends who love it too). I’m not even referring to the  hard-core feminists here; I’m talking about the young professionals and stay-at-home moms who are threatened by their husband’s stash of vintage transgender magazines. How can a woman who professes to be enlightened chafe at her partner’s interest in pornography?

Men don’t get threatened by romantic movies, which present ridiculously unrealistic images of what a heterosexual love relationship should be like. Romantic movies never show farting in bed, pooping on the couch, or other things that happen all the time in committed relationships when one or both of the partners has norovirus. They aren’t angered by romance novels or 50 Shades of Grey. I believe that men are less threatened because most of women’s sexual fantasies live in the imagination or on the page; they are not acted out by beautiful acrobatic porn stars.  Of course, romantic movies do realize some of women’s fantasies, but they show the conventional fantasy of a committed relationship based upon undying love, which most people don’t consider grotesque. Even 50 Shades of Grey places a sadomasochistic relationship in the comforting confines of monogamy. In any case, women’s insane wedding fantasies are more disturbing to me than a triple-penetration rodeo-clown porn. So why can’t women learn from men and leave their boyfriends’ fantasies alone?

Richard Randall may have the explanation. In his excellent book, Freedom and Taboo: Pornography and the Politics of a Self Divided, Randall uses Freudian psychology to explain that there are two pornographies that humans experience: a pornographic within and a material representation of that pornography. The pornographic within is our fantastical sexual imagination. When humans are very young,  thanks to our innate capability for imaginative thinking, we begin having pornographic fantasies, Randall argues. Because we are still children, we cannot act on these fantasies that terrify and excite us, he says. Instead of becoming physically realized, our sexuality stays within the mind and becomes eroticized. This rich erotic world is represented in pornographic movies, books, and images; this constitutes material pornography. Randall argues that the pornographic within, like the human imagination, is limitless and endlessly exciting:

“The threshold of the forbidden is more quickly reached and easily crossed in the imagination, and the delights and terrors of doing so are far richer and more improbable than anything actual behavior usually affords. Characteristically, pornographic expression is an unsettling reminder of temptations, conflicts, and tensions inhibited in behavior and possibly even denied in our conscious minds. It may thus invite and excite even as it frightens and revolts.”

Women seem to forget that the world of porn is imaginary.  Many porn scenarios would be painful or unpleasant in real life.  I think the fundamental problem that women have with pornography is rooted in its visual nature. They are disturbed by representations of the pornographic within. Men’s love of pornography is so threatening to women because they are able to witness their husbands’ bisexual anal bondage fetishes being acted out by buxom 20-something professional porn actresses. Women see these images of hot naked girls and compare themselves to these, feeling that they fall short of the ideal and that they must lose 20 pounds and learn to enjoy sodomy to appeal to their mates. But it’s really women’s hidden pornographic fantasies that should be threatening to men. As Randall argues:

“Pornography is in fact likely to be less arousing than one’s own imagination. Subjects asked to fantasize about pornographic themes to which they were exposed are usually more aroused by their own psychic efforts than by external stimuli.”

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4 thoughts on “Why Women Should Give Porn a Chance

  1. Maitreya says:

    As I always say, the darkest fantasies are almost always hotter when not acted out. Cheers!

  2. dildographer says:

    True. Plus it’s difficult to corral 200 Larry David impersonators on short notice.

  3. […] Why Women Should Give Porn a Chance (dildographer.wordpress.com) […]

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