A Pegging Primer

Pegging Santa

Picture Credit Meghan Boehners

There’s no better way to get locked out of a party than by bringing up the subject of pegging. It was 2010 and I was sitting on a porch in St. Petersburg, Florida, with a bunch of friends from high school, when I drunkenly shouted, “I love pegging!” A heated conversation ensued, and ten minutes later, the host’s wife had locked the front door, and we had to beg to be let back in. I talk about a lot of things that other people are afraid to discuss, but nothing makes people more uncomfortable than discussing pegging. So consider this my PPSA, Pegging Public Service Announcement.

Pegging is a neologism coined by Dan Savage to describe when a woman dons a strap-on dildo and sodomizes her boyfriend. Nobody surveys how many people engage in this practice, so I can’t give you exact figures on how common it is. What I can tell you, though, is that judging from the private correspondence I get, pegging is on a lot of people’s minds, yet few people dare to discuss it publicly.

So, here’s a primer on pegging for women.

1. Pegging isn’t gay. Just because a man wants a dildo in his rectum, it doesn’t mean that he’s gay. In fact if he doesn’t want to be pegged, he’s probably gay, or at the very least, uncomfortable with his sexuality. A man who’s confident in his heterosexuality won’t be worried that enjoying being penetrated by a be-dildoed woman will make him spend his nights dreaming about Neal Patrick Harris. Gay men don’t want to be pegged by women.

2. To peg is to love. You have to really trust a woman to allow her to peg you. So if your boyfriend or husband lets you do it, you can be assured that he’s madly in love with you.

3. Successful pegging involves having the right tools. You need special dildos, lube, and a harness.

a. Use a dildo smaller than your partner’s penis, unless he’s used to having things in his anus. Make sure it has a flared base, otherwise it could get lost in the rectum. I recommend silicone dildos because they’re safe and non-porous and easy to clean. I don’t recommend double-headed dildos like the Feeldoe because they are hard to control. Until the CPSC or FDA regulates all sex toys, buy your toys from a safe company like Tantus.

b. If you use a silicone dildo, you can’t use silicone lube, which is the best lube for anal play. Instead, you have to use water-based lube, which dries out easily. One way around this is by covering the dildo in a condom.

c. Choose a harness that has room for a clitoral stimulator, if you wish, but don’t expect too much out of it. They haven’t perfected this technology  yet. Much of the fun of pegging comes from the role reversal.

4. There might be poop. So what? It probably won’t be a lot, but it could come off on the dildo. You just need to be prepared to see it. That is all.

5. Pegging is emotional because being penetrated is emotional. Even though you’re probably most anxious about the poop part of it, it’s the intense feelings that pegging brings to your partner that you should be more aware of. As Dan Savage says, these feelings are important because your partner can understand what it’s like for a woman to be fucked.

6. If you want to peg your partner, you probably will have to be the one to bring it up. He’ll fear if he brings it up that you’ll think he’s gay or weird or both. You can start by saying, “I was reading this blog post about pegging…” and see how he reacts.

One of the reasons most people don’t talk about pegging and even fewer people engage in it is that it violates all sorts of taboos. Because it combines gender-role switching and sodomy, pegging terrifies a lot of people. Don’t let yourself be one of them. Pegging’s transgressiveness is what makes it exciting.  Nobody on their death bed ever said, “I wish I had spent less time pegging.”

If you want more information, I recommend the following resources:

Book: The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Strap-On Sex by Violet Blue.

DVD: Tristan’s Expert Guide to Pegging for Couples by Tristan Taormino.

-Hallie Lieberman

 

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