Tag Archives: Sex Doll

Trump vs. Porn

Trump Love Doll.jpg

Pipedream’s Donald Chump Love Doll, available at Amazon.com for $17

Pornographers love Donald Trump. There are already over two dozen erotic e-books, three porn parodies, a blow-up doll, and a butt plug. The ever-growing Trump pornographic oeuvre has been widely ignored in the media, and when it has been noted, it is dismissed as a mere curiosity. It shouldn’t be. Porn may be the only media that can take down Trump. Political satire through sexual means can be a shockingly effective antidote to demagoguery.

To be sure, Trump isn’t the only presidential nominee getting enshrined in sex memorabilia. Hillary Clinton’s likeness has also been placed on butt plugs and blow-up dolls. Sadly, Bernie has only garnered a “Feel the Bern” condom. Trump wins this contest hands down. There is far more pornographic merchandise devoted to Trump than to Clinton, a reflection both of Trump’s oversize personality and the outrage generated by his xenophobic policies.

Using sex to parody politicians is neither new nor uniquely American. Political pornography played a part in the French revolution, helping delegitimize king Louis XV by depicting him with a limp dick. According to historian Robert Darnton, portrayals of Louis XV as impotent “drained him of his charisma and emptied the power from the symbolic apparatus of the monarchy…. Instead of a divine monarch, they spread the idea of a ‘feeble tyrant.’” (165)

While virility was a mark of political strength in France, in America it is the opposite: a sign of weakness. We want our politicians happily married and monogamous. Bill Clinton’s wandering penis got him impeached. Trump’s pride in his sexual conquests and his bragging about the size of his penis are seen as prime evidence that he is unsuitable for the Oval Office. But mainstream media critiques of Trump’s sexual braggadocio have fallen flat. Attacking Trump’s sexual persona requires more suitable media, media as crass, unapologetic and id-driven as he is: the worlds of pornography and novelty sex toys.

So instead of portraying Trump with a flaccid penis the Donald Chump Love Doll  portrays him as perpetually erect. His vinyl penis, although of average size, seems at odds with the doll’s nude, hairless, feminine body. Yet somehow the mismatch seems appropriate, as Trump is made both virile and emasculated at the same time.

But the sex doll is merely an empty vessel for its packaging, where the true political critique occurs. Emblazoned on the box are a series of Trump endorsements from the likes of A. Hitler (“He’s mein kind of guy”) and David Duke. Smaller print lists Stalin, Mussolini and the Ku Klux Klan as Trump supporters. A wall cut-out spray-painted with “No Immigrants” adorns the back of the package. The parody is neither subtle nor sophisticated, but neither is Trump. He is the only presidential candidate whose policies can be fully explained on the back of a blow-up doll package.

Yet only in porn can Trump’s persona be fully taken down. Trump’s xenophobia and misogyny are not cloaked in euphemism, which makes his prejudices perfectly suited for a parody. And in these porn parodies, at least in their trailers, the political critique is front and center, the sex secondary. Consider the trailer for Hustler’s The Donald, which first shows Trump fully clothed, reading Mein Kampf for Dummies. Even when his half-naked female advisors appear, the policy critique continues. Trump proclaims that he is going to “destroy the middle class” by “fucking it hard.” Similarly, Donald Tramp: A XXX Parody focuses more on Trump’s misogyny than the sex, with Trump spouting lines like “I love women—just not the fat and ugly ones.” Even when sex is front and center, the political message is inextricably intertwined with the sex, as in the female-directed Make America Gape Again. In the Gape trailer, the director intersperses footage of Trump’s vitriolic campaign speeches with the key scene of the film: a woman clad in an American flag being gangbanged by five men in Donald Trump masks. The porn may turn you on, but you will never forget it’s a metaphor for Trump’s danger to America.

Although the satire may be crass, the political message is serious. The director of Make America Gape, Maitresse Madeline Marlowe, told adult industry website XBIZ, “We didn’t want to show Trump as a comic figure; we wanted to show him how we see him — as a powerful but frightening force…Of course, the truly scary thing has been his rise to power. Even a five-person gangbang can’t compete with that. At least a gangbang is consensual.” And the producer of The Donald is Hustler founder and free-speech activist Larry Flynt, who has compared Trump to Mussolini.

Pornography can be a more effective media to critique Trump than a “serious” news source. Like Trump, pornography is assertive, loud, and appeals unapologetically to basic human drives. His policies are driven by emotion, not logic. They are grounded in our base emotions: fear and a desire for safety. This is why serious critiques that wonkily parse Trump’s policies fall flat. They can only be properly critiqued in a format that is also based in reptilian emotions: pornography. You may not like pornography, but it may be the only thing standing between us and Trump for president. Thank God the First Amendment protects this form of speech. That’s what really makes America great.

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Is This What Men Want?

The Newest in Masturbation Technology

When you’re the type of company that churns out male masturbation devices that look like decapitated heads, it’s kind of difficult to top yourself. So, what is Pipedream Products to do?  Create the Mega Fuck Slut Mega Masturbator; that’s what. Weighing twenty-five pounds and constructed with thermo-plastic rubber, The Mega Fuck Slut is a limbless torso with both anal and vaginal orifices, which appears to be more at home in a Saw movie than on your kitchen counter (or wherever one keeps such things). According to Pipedream Products, this sex toy came about through customer demand. Customers wanted both a “front and a back side of a torso” to copulate with.  I’m not sure if they requested that it lack appendages, but I’m assuming that they did because a plethora of fully limbed blow-up dolls already exist. Why would a man want to copulate with a limbless large-breasted plastic woman? If I knew the answer to that, I’d have won a MacArthur Genius Grant by now. It seems like this sex toy would only appeal to heterosexual male serial killers, but I doubt that there are enough around to make this masturbator a profitable enterprise. If these were cheaper, I’d suggest sending one to Rush Limbaugh so that he could learn the true meaning of slut,  but at $1,567.50it’s not worth it.

Even though the Mega Fuck Slut may be abhorrent to 99% of the population, its promotional video can teach us important lessons about what not to do when marketing a giant sex toy. Here are the three biggest marketing mistakes in the Mega Fuck Slut Mega Masturbator video:

1. Inexplicable Censorship of Packaging On the packaging  of the box, the real breasts of  the human model are censored with a fluorescent green bar, yet the plastic breasts, vagina, and anus of the artificial woman are considered acceptable enough to be fully displayed, as is the obscene name of the product.

2. Failure to Demonstrate a Product’s Attributes The demonstrator gets out a measuring tape to measure the mega masturbator’s length and width but doesn’t show anybody the actual measurements.

3. Making Dubious Assumptions About the Target Market He presumes that every man has an “enema hose” in his shower.

When will companies learn that a 27-inch long fuckable headless torso with anal and vaginal openings doesn’t just sell itself?

http://www.pipedreamproducts.com/jwplayer/player.swf

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Can You Love a Sex Robot?

Roxxxy the Sex Robot, being ignored by her technophile romantic partner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In my routine Google search for “sex robots,” I stumbled upon Roxxxy. She received a lot of press last year when she was unveiled at the Adult Entertainment Expo. Roxxxy is a 60-pound sex robot with “veins” and “bones.” She can’t walk, but she can talk, thrust her hips back and forth, and bob her head up and down. Her vagina, anus, and mouth are motor-driven and touch sensitive. Created by Douglas Hines, an engineer with an interest in artificial intelligence, she’s programmed with five personalities, including Frigid Farrah and S&M Susan. However, what’s really interesting about Roxxxy isn’t how realistic she is (she’s not), it’s Hines’ perception of his sex robot that took him nine years to develop:

“What we offer is companionship. Unconditional love. When people say, ‘Oh, you create robots or sex robots,’ they’re right. We do create a product that provides that functionality,  but the reality is what we’re doing is we’re giving someone who doesn’t have somebody to love, someone to talk to, a confidante.”

This led me to wonder, can you love a robot? David Levy addresses this issue in Love and Sex with Robots. His answer is unequivocally, yes. Humans can get attached to inanimate objects like their computers, he says. Once the attachment begins, the computer owner begins to think that their mass-produced computer is a unique object; it is special because it is theirs. But falling in love with a robot requires more than just attachment, according to Levy.  He posits that there are “three routes to falling in love with robots”:

1. Loving robots because they’re just like us. “Robots will become more and more human in appearance and personality, encouraging us to like and love them.”

2. Loving robots because you have technophilia (“a love for machines and technology.”)

3. Loving robots because you’re a social outcast who can’t have relationships with people.

Although the idea sounds preposterous, some elderly seem to love their  baby harp seal robots. But I’m not sure that our technology has progressed to the point where we could love a robot in the same way that we would love a real person. However, that doesn’t stop Hines’ from trying. On his company’s website TrueCompanion.com, there’s a FAQ on how to seduce your sex robot:

For a date, what kind of place would Roxxxy like to go and which personality would you suggest be turned on for this kind of romantic setting? 

She is comfortable staying home and watching a movie or ordering dinner to be delivered.

She would love to talk or get down to “business” with you, interacting with you all the time!

As far as the personality to select, it is up to you – if you want to take it easy, “Frigid Farrah” would love to hang out with you and make small talk. But if you are feeling frisky, “Wild Wendy” will do the trick!

I would love to love a robot. Dating robots could solve a lot of relationship problems. They’re always ready for sex. They never age. They only say what you want them to say:

“She also has a personality which is matched exactly as much as possible to your personality. So she likes what you like, dislikes what you dislike, etc. She also has moods during the day just like real people! She can be sleepy, conversational or she can “be in the mood”!”

I don’t know if I could fall in love with a robot even if I programmed it to be the male Hallie (there’s a male version of Roxxxy called Rocky). It’s hard enough to tell people that you’re gay in our society, let alone tell them that you’re in love with a robot. And what if I loved Roxxxy more than Rocky? Would I be doubly judged for being in love with a lesbian robot dildographer?

Don’t watch this video unless you want to be scarred for life:


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